Where has my voice gone?

Before I blog about the awesomeness that is #TMC16, I want to share about something that came to light about my personal growth because I attended TMC16 this year.

I miss this community of amazing teachers.

I miss connecting with this community about math and math teaching.

I miss sharing ideas, getting useful feedback and growing as a teacher.

I miss blogging and tweeting.

I miss connecting with teachers in real life about math. In my role, I don’t teach a regular math class, so I don’t talk math teaching with anyone the same way I as used to.  I miss that immensely.

I miss teaching.

Why does my brain not allow me to see the value in the job that I am currently doing? I have been successful in my role over the last two years, students have improved, growth has been seen, gains have been made. But I don’t feel the same way about it as I felt about the first 14 years of my teaching career.  Going from a regular math teacher with a team to a math specialist that works with other teacher’s students is a huge change.

In my role, I have allowed my voice to die down in my school and online because so much I know about what it meant to me to be a teacher is different.  I am not any less of a teacher, but it looks and feels different to me and I haven’t figured out what it means to me. And I haven’t found how I fit in to my school environment or online environment. Two years and I still don’t know how I can bring value to my position and value to others through my position.

And this really came to light while being at TMC16 and being around all these amazing, inspirational teachers who are here because they are pushing themselves to better, to get outside of their comfort zone and to connect with others.  I personally NEED this community because it was inspirational to changing my teaching over the years and I NEED to be more reflective so I can get feedback.

You can only get feedback if you put yourself out there. You can only get better by asking questions and challenging yourself.  I took the easy road the last two years because I didn’t know my role, but I plan to become more involved again because I think that will help me find my role in my job and as a teacher so I can feel better about my contributions to this amazing community.  I need to do what I need so I can improve.

Thanks to @druinok , @Borschtwithanna@misscalcul8 and @anyaostapczuk for helping me think through this on twitter this morning. Thank you for helping me recognize more about myself and pushing me as a teacher.

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5 thoughts on “Where has my voice gone?

  1. I like your words: “put yourself out there”. That is very meaningful in more than our own educational growth these days. I want to be out there for my students. Every summer I scan blogs, and think, wow… I should have done this better or that more (w/ the previous school year with my students and co-workers). So, as the summer dwindles down, I have the chance to put myself out there for my next group of kiddos. Reading more blogs, taking notes, bringing back great ideas from some great educators for next year. I look forward to this, and those words will be up on my wall sayings. Thank you for your frankness in today’s blog.

  2. I’m one year into my new role as a specialist and I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve written. Thanks for giving voice to my thoughts too.

  3. Thank you for your words of inspiration!!!! This past year, I questioned my … well, everything!!! Including – did I even want to teach anymore!!! But, having read through your blog and blogs of others who were able to attend TMC16, I am hoping to find that “fire” again!

    I hope to someday be able to attend the actual event! Until then, I will have to live vicariously through you and twit-o-sphere …. 😀

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